Fake blood

What's the easiest way to make fake blood?

cut a fake person.

Interview at Mcdonalds

Couple days ago I went in for an interview at Mcdonalds. Not my proudest moment in life. The guy who was interviewing me was somewhere in his 50's. After a little back and forth through the interview process he stares at his paper for a moment looks up at me and says, "I like your spunk son." I respond with, "I don't recall bustin a nut sir..."

Like I'd really cream over working at Mcdonalds...

Glad to say i didn't get the job.

True love

I love my wife.

Earlier today I handcuffed her ankles to her wrists, then left the room and made a sandwich.

Nothing quite says I love you like a turkey on rye.

Glass replica

I recently had made for me a glass replica of my penis, in the form of a bong...

that way when girls come over to smoke weed, they have options when I say kiss the tip.

War and Peace

It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write "War and Peace". While impressive by past standards.. I find it lazy...

Six years to write three words...

and "I" smoke too much weed...